My grandmother just died.
And I don't know what to feel.
I'm not good in dealing with emotions, especially with loss. It's either I sleep, I smoke or I listent to Slapshock. And that was when I missed that Hed Kandi concert. Loss for me is not something emotional. Loss is that Vans canvass sneakers that comes only in size 10, that elusive Havaianas slim for men, that I.PH.Rizal tee from Team Manila that's out of stock. Loss is not my grandmother, dead.
I know I was never that close to her. Well, she was there in my growing up years. A hundred peso bill here, a Christmas gift there, a kiss here and some pocket money there. That was all there is. She had a stroke a few years back and that paralyzed her. She was not able to talk since then. And I guess, that ended whatever lola-apo interaction we had. Still, she is my grandmother, my mother's mother. I can still remember her telling me how she brought up my mom and my aunts all by herself. You see, my grandfather died when my mom was about 4 years old. And this was years ago, before women empowerment. She was a tough person. She remarried just so she can provide for her children and I think that was so brave of her, to put her children's needs over hers. I may not be her favorite apo and I may know so little of her but I know that she has her reasons. In my heart I know she loved us all. I will miss her somehow.
Lola,
Wherever you are right now, I know you're happy.
I love you and may you rest in peace.
XOXO
1 comments:
I know how difficult it feels to lose a grandparent. Each time a lolo or lola died, it was very trying time for the family.
Sympathies to you and your family.
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